


Ben's Sacrifice

by Stories_can_make_us_fly



Series: Two Sides of Heartbreak [2]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Aftermath, Break Up, Guilty Ben, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:29:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21959656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stories_can_make_us_fly/pseuds/Stories_can_make_us_fly
Summary: Ben right after he breaks up with Callum.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: Two Sides of Heartbreak [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580842
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	Ben's Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who wanted to read Ben's perspective, here it is.  
> Ben was a lot harder to write than Callum, but I hope it turned out okay.
> 
> Companion piece to Callum's Pain, but not necessary to read that first.
> 
> Let me know what you think!

**Ben's Sacrifice**

Ben turned around and walked away. Every step felt like a stab to his heart. Setting one foot in front of the other, he tried to ignore the impulse to run back. Back to the chance of a better life. To the possibility of a happy future. To the promise of unconditional love. Back into Callum's arms. Where he had always felt safe.

God, he wanted to turn around so bad!

But he couldn't. Ben knew in his heart that this was the right thing to do. He couldn't be with Callum any more. He needed to keep him safe. For the longest time, Ben had pretended that they could make it work. That he and Callum could be together without Ben dragging him into the mess that was his family. That they could have a chance of being happy if only Ben were able to keep him separated from everything and turn his back at the petty crimes and dodgy businesses that had been a part of his life for so long. It had been a wonderful dream, but now it was time for Ben to wake up.

He reached the other end of the square. Not daring to turn around and see if Callum was still standing there, he kept on walking. The look in Callum's eyes as it turned from the firm conviction that Ben loved him into heartbroken disbelief would haunt Ben for the rest of his life. Every word he had said, every lie he had forced out of his mouth to break Callum's heart into tiny little pieces had felt like acid on his tongue. It made Ben sick to his stomach just thinking about it. Of all the horrible things he had done in his life, this was one of the worst. Even if it was for the best.

Callum was strong, Ben knew that. Strong enough to get over this, over Ben, to find someone to love and who made him happy and who could give him the life he deserved. The tears that had threatened to fall ever since he had walked away finally fell as Ben thought about Callum finding a nice, decent bloke to share his life with. The life Ben had wanted with him. Biting down hard on his lower lip, Ben sped up his steps. After what felt like a hundred miles he finally reached the house. Fleeing up to his bedroom, the door closed behind him and Ben collapsed onto his bed. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eye-sockets and fought against the sobs choking him. He didn't deserve to break down and feel sorry for himself. He had done this all to himself. To Callum. He had taken the love of the sweetest, kindest and most decent man and had crushed it under his feet. Every pain he felt was the rightful punishment.

If only he had been able to free himself from his dad. To break all ties with him and just walk away. To let him deal with his own bloody problems for once. But no! For some inexplicable reason Phil still had that power over him. That power that drove Ben to seek his father's approval. Regardless of all the things he had done to him, the countless times he had hurt him, Ben still couldn't turn his back on him. Some part of him always did everything he could to please Phil. So that maybe one day his dad would love him. Deep down, Ben knew it was a fool's errand. He would never be enough. No matter what he did or how many times he tried. It was never enough, but he would jump anyway if Phil called. And that meant inevitable heartbreak and pain for everyone close to him.

Callum was the only person he could save from this fate. By breaking his heart and destroying what they had together, Ben could save him. Even if it meant making his own heart scream and bleed. Because Ben loved Callum.

Dear god, he loved him so much!

But sometimes loving someone meant letting them go. And Ben would gladly sacrifice himself if it meant Callum got to be happy someday. Callum, who had seen Ben for who he was. He had seen the good underneath and hadn't run for the hills in face of the bad. He had still wanted him.

For that, Ben would love him for the rest of his life.


End file.
